The Atomic Drop

So will we see Darren Young join the ranks of wrestlers looking to stop Nexus? Will Commander Cody escape the rocket men from the moon? Stay tuned …
Did they change the opening video again?

Sheamus promo

• I’m entirely with Sheamus on American children.  Hopefully my child will be the exception.
• I really like the “It’s next week” sign.  Reminds me of the good old days of biweekly taped Raw episodes.
• Hasn’t Orton already been in prison? He did go AWOL. 
• On that note, who does that? Who signs up for military service, then runs away? There’s better ways to wash out then running from your mistakes.
• Throne? Is Sheamus going to take a shit?
• Were I Sheamus, I’d immediately name Santino.
• So does the GM have a different email address for the locker room? It seems like too many people are ready to go when the GM decides something.
• They should have a locker room camera and have someone backstage who find the guys the GM wants and sends them to gorilla.

Edge vs R. Truth

• It’s very hard to believe that the people involved in Creed perform Edge’s theme.  Really, you make this crowning music of awesome and then go back to making sappy Jesus rock?
• And now the opposite of awesome, R. Truth.
• I think I’ll take a nap during this match.
• Anyone remember when Truth was NWA champion?
• So, is Michael Cole becoming a heel on Raw as well? Don’t get me wrong, I don’t like Truth’s song either, but Cole is the babyface, no?
• I’m really going to lie down.  If anything interesting happens, I’ll comment on it.
• So first Lawler lampshades Sheamus wanting to pick a weak wrestler.  That was good.  Then, they ruin the Easter Bunny for kids.  Not as good.
• Not sure what I’ll do about said rabbit for my future offspring.  Perhaps rather than outright lying, just make it a game? Suggestions?
• Pretty dull match.  I dug that Edge dodged that ugly Truth kick that everyone else eats and hit the Spear for the pin.
• My sister, about to turn 21, told me that she thinks Edge is too old to be wrestling.  Edge debuted in WWE when she was seven.  Therefore, she may be right.

I never got to see Cena and Miz last year.  Hope they turn it up.
Never seen Warehouse 13.  Looks interesting.
Anyone else see that the Chinese press had pictures of Shawn Michaels wrestling in their coverage? Odd stuff.

The Great Khali with Runjin Singh vs Chris Jericho

• I have a Runjin Singh trading card. I’ll show it to you guys later.
• Why do I smell cigarette smoke? I hope I’m not having a stroke.
• Anyone remember when Khali was world champion? Yes, you can remember.  This was real, not like that Satanic ritual abuse you thought you suffered at a day care center in the 80’s. (Note: I read too much Wikipedia at work.  Please ignore my ramblings.)
• I just got up to shoo a cricket outside and ended up killing it.  Did anything interesting happen? Nah, who am I kidding, it’s Kahli!
• Nice finishing sequence.  Nice to see Jericho fell a giant.
• These guys aren’t going to impress Sheamus with accolades, they’ll impress him by losing.  Or, getting a sunburn.

I thought I didn’t have any snark in me tonight, but I guess I do.  Hours of talking to people in hotels, I guess.

John Cena interview

• Does Cena speak in declarative statements when he’s not on camera as well?

It’s the stripper pole ad for Smackdown on SyFy! Oh boy!

Diva’s Championship Match: Jillian vs Melina

• Melina looks much better when she’s dressed like a human being.
• Wait, Need for Feed is sponsoring Raw? I might need to go there again.  Yay ribs!
• Boston gets Raw 900? It should be in NY! Where Raw started! Where the people aren’t smelly tools! (Note: Apologies to any Bostonian readers.  Tom gets cranky when the Yankees lose.)
• Jillian is getting in a lot of offense, and they shouldn’t be mocking tennis.  USA has tennis, and it starts up again soon.
• I really love that Melina finisher.  She’s really fluid, even against stiffs like Jillian.
• It would actually be cooler if she started doing the Canadian Destroyer.
• Unification match at Night of Champions? Yes, please.

Miz interview

• Why is Cena glomming all over Miz and Bryan? When did he become Hulk Hogan?
• That was the best Miz promo ever.  Big ups to him and whoever is writing his stuff.

That throne really can’t be that comfortable.

Wade Barrett and Nexus promo/GM ruins Sheamus’ night

• Hmm, isn’t Barrett due a title shot?
• Well, not much of a promo, but a cool expository segment.
• Sheamus’ facials are improving.

The Miz vs John Cena

• These ring entrances just get longer and longer.  Too much time is wasted.
• Then again, this isn’t going to be Thez vs Brisco (Note: Jack, not Mark or Jay.  Or Gerald for that matter.)
• When I played basketball as a child, I couldn’t make free throws, mostly because I never got fouled so I didn’t bother practicing for it.  My coach made me take free throws until I started hitting them repeatedly.  I got better, then eventually automatic.  The agents need to make Cena run into the ring post repeatedly until he gets it right.  He hits that post and exposes the business harder than Dave Meltzer with a live mic.
• Sheamus looks like he’s about to fall asleep.  Can I join him?
• Woke right up when Miz shook off the bulldog attempt.  That worked nicely.
• Haven’t seen anyone cut off a Cena comeback like that, well, ever. 
• The SCF requires too much set up.  Miz need to go back to moves he can pull out of nowhere.
• Hmm, no tap on the STF.  Miz really is the future.  Perhaps this is why we haven’t pulled the trigger on on Miz vs Sheamus yet.
• Bryan gets his revenge and Miz gets a win over Cena. 
• Ooh, the LeBell Lock.  Hell of a move.  Looks much more devastating than the STF.

Santino Marella and Vladimir Kozlov vs The Usos with Tamina

• Remember when Santino pinned Umaga for the Intercontinental title? In Italy? And we all laughed because Santino is just a rib on Gorilla Monsoon?
• Never thought I’d see Santino in a tag team where he does most of the work.
• Kozlov == Robert Gibson 2010.
• That actually wasn’t terrible for what it was.  Kozlov hasn’t gotten the pin in a while.
• I’m actually curious if Tamina’s mother is the women that Snuka may have killed or been involved in her death.  I don’t mean that to be tasteless; it’s just curiosity.
• “I think she likes me.” Santino is a master of understatement.

Holy crap, The Big Event!
Dang, all those guys are in the HOF.  When is Jake Roberts getting in?
I’ve actually never seen that show.  Might have to go looking for it.
My first Raw moment: Seeing Luna Vachon tear the top off the late Sherri Martel.  This was the ancillary feud to Shawn Michaels vs Tatanka back in 1993.

Ted DiBiase with Maryse vs John Morrison vs Randy Orton

• Well, Michael Cole, I think Sheamus is going to choose Jay Uso, because he sucks, but that’s just me.
• “Orton is so orange, ‘cause he tans so much / I hear cancer in his skin it cries to me.” Or something like that.  So so orange. 
• Beyond that, Orton is looking better these days.  Hair is a good thing on a man his size.
• Can Orton RKO both these guys and end the show so I can watch NXT and go to bed? May as well cut to the chase.
• Flash kick? Is Morrison suddenly Guile from Street Fighter II? For his next trick, he throws a Sonic Boom!
• Sonic Boom!
• Sonic Boom!
• Sorry, I was having arcade flashbacks.  Kids used to throw Sonic Booms over and over again.
• Ooh, I see a welt forming on Morrison’s back after that sloppy DiBiase neckbreaker.
• Again with the flash kick? Sonic Boom!
• Speaking of Streat Fighter, isn’t Kofi Kingston just Dee Jay from Super Street Fighter II?
• I guess there’s no pretty way to counter Dream Streets.
• That was an awesome RKO.  Finishers that come from out of nowhere are the best.
• Hey, both guys got RKOed.  I could totally book Raw.  Dammit Vince, hand me the pencil!
• Sonic - nah, sorry, it’s over.
• Randy is taking the Ace Crusher to new heights.  Beyond Austin, beyond DDP, beyond Johnny Ace. 
• Fuck Johnny Ace.

Sheamus interview

• Or not.

Sheamus promo

• Show me Jay Uso!!!
• Why was there a referee at ringside? Did he not go back to the locker room?
• Ryder? Hah!
• Hah even!
• You know a gimmick is bad when it makes me regret dating someone from Long Island.

WWE Championship: Sheamus vs Zack Ryder

• Email noise? Please? Don’t make me watch Ryder wrestle.
• Or the Brogue Kick.  That works just as well.
• Lovely squash.
• Now, can we have the email noise?
• Crap, Bourne got more offense in weeks ago.  Happy to see it.
• Uh, Sheamus, you don’t have to defend, but they’ll make you do it.

Wade Barrett interrupts Sheamus’ promo/The GM further interrupts

• This final segment is getting convoluted.
• I really wish we would have an all-British Isles championship match, but I know there’s a Six-Pack Challenge about to be booked.
• That may be the first time anyone popped for Wade Barrett doing anything.
• The GM must type 200 + WPM, which is impossible.  They need to work on that.
• And there it is.  Barrett will rampage next week.
• Love the look on Jericho’s face.
• Dear ABC, make more Downfall episodes.  Screw Shaq Vs.
• Not sure if I like Orton in another multi-man match.  He tends to get lost in the shuffle.
• Honestly, I want Sheamus to survive this, then maybe drop to Miz.  Overcoming five guys would be huge for him.  This could set up a rematch at Hell in a Cell.
• I guest turnabout is fair play for Barrett.
• The crowd loved that last sequence, as silly as it was.  Very stagy, but a great final image.

Excited for next week’s show.  Not only is it Raw 900, a local comedy troupe is going to live riff on the show.  All over that.