The Atomic Drop

Opening segment: Cena and Orton face off

• I’m pleased as punch to see the old WWF logo on the Raw Roulette wheel. I’m not pleased to see yet another match between these two. I haven’t even seen all their matches, yet I’ve seen it too often.
• At least it isn’t Orton vs Triple H.
• You know, I kinda miss Trips. He has a habit of making me want to see him work again whenever he’s away.
• I’m pulling for the pillow fight. Randy would own in a pillow fight.
• How many women want to have a pillow fight with Randy Orton?
• Tables? Really?
• What’s a Song and Dance match?
• Was I the only one that saw ____ On a Pole and thought of Judy Bagwell?
• Of course I was. Stupid question.
• I’m thinking it’s time to retire the scratch logo and move in another direction.

This post is crazy long, so hit the jump if you want to keep reading!

Christ, I hate this Nickelback song.
Scratch that. I hate Nickelback.

Chad Ochocinco enters the building/Miz interrupts/GM annoys us all

• Didn’t I say this guy had a future in wrestling? I guess I was more right than I thought.
• Are those leather pants? I can’t tell.
• It would appear there are more Ochocinco marks than regular marks in this crowd.
• Actually, there might just be a lot of overlap.
• This guy cuts promos about as well as a fifth grader gives a speech.
• Ochocinco < He Hate Me.
• Thank you, Miz, for reminding us that there are people on Raw that cut decent promos.
• Miz is entirely correct: The Bengals will never, ever win a Super Bowl. The Jets will win before the Bengals do.
• Make bank on that.
• It also makes for some great cheap heat.
• Is the AFC North any good? In my book, it’s all about the AFC East.
• I never thought I’d end up writing more about football than wrestling in any of these posts.
• Damn, Miz is on fire. Whoever put this together for him deserves a raise.
• They need a new notification sound for the GM. I instinctively check my iPhone and my Mac when I hear it, then remember it’s the damn GM.
• Does Miz do any submission holds?
• As little as I like the Bengals, Ochocinco is okay in my book.

Submission Match: Miz with Alex Riley vs Daniel Bryan (Ended with Miz subbing in Riley)

• Why is Riley allowed to accompany Miz? Riley has no contract, nor a managerial license.
• I vote LeBell Lock tonight, Cattle Mutilation on Sunday.
• That was the sloppiest Figure Four ever.
• Is Miz pulling a Jeter?
• Nah, Jeter’s a better actor.
• Since when is MIz both a doctor and the GM?

Submission Match: Alex Riley with The Miz vs Daniel Bryan

• Well, that was fast. I was right about the LeBell Lock.
• Average at best? He’s been a champion on two continents. You were on The Real World.
• I love the smile on Bryan’s face whenever he works. He seems so happy to be in a major program after being booted from the Nexus angle and WWE.

Is it wrong that I was hoping for Jillian to fall right out of that dress?
Lawler loves him some sailors.

Body Slam Challenge: Edge vs Evan Bourne

• A body slam match? Between two small guys? Really?
• Hehe, Edge fell like a tree after that kick
• So was there a point to that? Edge got that duke a little too quickly.
• Big pop for the spear. When did Cleveland become a heel town?

The GM gets all up in Edge’s grill

• Seriously, I type pretty damned fast and I couldn’t type as fast as the GM can.
• It’s the one guy on Raw who’s been around longer than Edge!

Body Slam Challenge: Edge vs Mark Henry

• Dear Mr. Henry, please wear an athletic supporter or something else over your junk. We all don’t need to know what religion you are. No love, Tom.
• And Edge puts over Henry in a non-match why?

Song and Dance Contest: Ted DiBiase and Maryse vs R. Truth and Eve Torres

• So R. Truth loses automatically for his horrible theme song, right?
• How about one guy spins and the other guy rocks the cardboard?
• I hereby disqualify R. Truth for whatever the hell this is?
• Eve Torres isn’t much of a dancer.
• I miss Stacy Kiebler.
• I agree Ted. This is stupid.
• Holy crap! How did I know he was going to launch into “My Way?”
• Oh, because that’s what I would have done. Well played, Ted.
• That was actually really good. Teddy, not Maryse.
• And it all breaks down. Not surprising.
• Oh, Christ, Truth is singing again. I’m going to have nightmares.

Ochocinco, The Bellas and William Regal spin the wheel/Goldust drops in/Sheamus creates quite a contrast with Ochocinco

• Very much looking forward to Regal in Goldust’s costume.
• The Bellas had some solid reactions in that segment.
• Pig comment: Does one of the Bellas have larger boobs?

Edge and Zack Ryder backstage/Sheamus does some sneering

• Does Ryder have a crush on his old stablemate?
• Something must be wrong with me. I actually popped for Ryder yelling “Burn!”

Morrison does indoor parkour

• I’m pretty sure we all know what parkour is by now, Michael Cole.
• I have to wonder if they were able to do that in one take or not.

Falls Count Anywhere Match: Sheamus vs John Morrison

• Morrison really needs to shave. He totally has a heel beard.
• I’d like to see a Falls Count Anywhere Match that never leaves the ring.
• I miss matches conducted under Raven’s Rules. Did TNA keep that gimmick alive?
• I really want to know why they still have moves named after tiny dicks and fapping.
• How much more crap will they break before this match ends?
• It’s pretty hard to hit Starship Pain on the outside.
• Flash kick? No, I’m not doing it tonight.
• Morrison landing on his feet off the stage was pretty impressive. They actually made that parkour sequence make sense.
• This match is really good.  I thought Morrison had him after the splash.
• Jericho’s interference was actually unexpected by me, even after last week.
• I’d like to see this match again under normal circumstances.  Morrison worked his ass off.

Chris Jericho holds the show hostage

• I love this bit. Saw CM Punk do it to get a second rematch with Samoa Joe at Weekend of Thunder Night 2.
• Damn, I miss being able to go to ROH events all the time.
• I want the number for Jericho’s tailor.
• This is a great promo.
• Boots with a suit? Really Jericho?
• Give me the names and numbers of the marks who popped for Jericho quitting.
• Where the hell has Nexus been tonight? I think this is the longest we’ve gone since June without seeing them.
• “Of course you have an email, you idiot! Just read it!” should win Line of the Year in every poll.
• Does Vince even know how to use a computer?
• Jericho is endearing himself to every last fan out there. He is truly a legend.
• Who says sit-ins don’t work?
• I like that they made it elimination style. This means that Sheamus has to be pinned if he is to lose the title, and that’s the way it’s supposed to be.
• Part of me thinks it’s great that Jericho is about to get all his heat back by beating the Tag Champs in a steel cage. The other part of me thinks the tag titles were already devalued enough and this isn’t going to help The Harts either.

Steel Cage Handicap Match: Chris Jericho vs The Hart Dynasty with Natalya

• Hmm, Jericho escaping the cage won’t bury The Harts. Him submitting or pinning them both will.
• Okay, DH Smith escaping makes this better.
• They put some pretty convoluted rules on this match.
• Do the Harts have a match for Sunday yet? Or did they forget that they wanted to do that?
• Jericho and Tyson Kidd is another match I want to see under normal circumstances.
• That was the best match on the show thus far. Kidd gave it all and loses nothing by tapping to Jericho in a one-on-one situation. The reversal of the top rope Frankensteiner into the Walls of Jericho was one hell of a visual.

Charlie Hustle! Where’s Kane when you need him?

Trading Places Match: Goldust-egal vs William RegalDust

• Yes, I just did that.
• Little Dust looks a lot like he did in the late 90’s, oddly enough.
• Regal looks like Goldust did after Teri filed for divorce.
• They got me to pop when Regal did the rub, but then out came “The Power of the Punch” and it’s over.
• Sad. Two greats who get time to tear it up on Superstars get five minutes on Raw.

Is Indianapolis the smallest market to ever host a WrestleMania? Or does that honor go to Anaheim or Seattle? I’ll look that up for next week.
Hehe, Ochocinco’s lower third read “Cincinnati Bengals Pro Bowler.” I know that means he was in the Pro Bowl, but it reads like he throws a mean hook in the alley on a Saturday afternoon.

Tables Match: Randy Orton vs John Cena

• Hopefully Ochocinco has no aspirations of being a ring announcer. Don’t quit your day job, er, jobs.
• I was present for Cena’s last table match. It was horrible.
• Cincy needs to learn how to do a dueling chant.
• Cena respects Orton? Orton kicked Cena’s dad in the head!
• I respect Orton for that, but Cena shouldn’t.
• Looks like Randy forgot that he doesn’t do the Garvin Stomp anymore.
• That mention of Barrett makes me think that Nexus is interjecting at some point. If not, this will be the first Nexus-free Raw since Nexus appeared.
• Yeah, a submission hold in a Table’s Match? That’s illogical booking.
• And there’s Nexus, as if on queue.
• Slater’s table bump was sick looking.
• Are they setting up a 450º through the table? Please say that’s what they’re setting up.
• Darn. The Gabriel bump was nice, but it doesn’t make up for the teased 450º Splash.
• Barrett bumps rough for a big man
• So, Orton has absorbed all of Cena’s superpowers? When does his backlash start?
• The Spear counter through the table was a little messy, but it was a nice thought.
• Christ, this is a long post.
• When does The Spirit Squad get their run-in?
• The Attitude Adjustment RKO wasn’t as nice as the mid-air one from a few weeks ago.
• Orton is like Rambo. I don’t think he’s walking away with the title, but he will end up killing a metric fuckton of cops and National Guardsmen in the mountains of Washington.
• Whey didn’t Otunga and Tarver get table bumps? That lowers their stock even further in my book.

I liked this installment of Raw. Very good build for Night of Champions. Well, it was good after the Edge segments.
Jericho got his heat back. Morrison, Sheamus, Tyson Kidd and Jericho all busted it tonight. Barrett, Gabriel and Slater all get high marks for taking table bumps.
The main event nearly became a cluster, but it calmed down and Orton scooped a ton more heat. Hopefully, he doesn’t end up continually killing everyone on a regular basis. He’s already had one face push killed back in 2004 due to overkill.