The Atomic Drop

The TV here just said it will AutoTune to WWE SummerSlam.  Sadly, that doesn’t mean that we will hear Michael Cole sounding like T-Pain.

There’s a football game on tonight.  This means no sound for the show.  The good news is that I’m right under the one of the TVs showing the event.

Of course, they still won’t buy the show in HD.  I blame DirectTV

Scratch that.  We’re getting audio.  I guess nobody is interested in Denver and Cincy.

As the opening video plays, let me tell you about my rig for tonight.  I did bring my Bluetooth keyboard, as it’s small enough to transport.  I’ve got it paired to my iPhone 4.

Underneath the iPhone I’ve got a makeshift stand made of two binder clips and wet naps.  It’s pretty nerdy and completely awesome.

And Michael Cole’s voice in my ear means that it’s time for SummerSlam.

Dammit, Jerry Lawler, why do you only wear a a suit once a year? Even The Chim is better dressed than you.

Intercontinental Championship: Dolph Ziggler with Vickie Guerrero vs Kofi Kingston (No Contest after a Nexus attack)

• Vickie gets amazing heel heat, just with one catchphrase.  Some of the boys in the back must be losing their minds when they hear the crowd react to her.
• Kofi is in amazing shape.  I want to know what he’s up to in the gym.
• Malta? Why not Ghana? Why can’t Prince Nana’s people see SummerSlam?
• Damn, Kofi bounced on that suicide dive.
• In the wake of the sex and steroid scandals of the early 1990’s, shouldn’t there be sexual harassment rules that prevent Vickie Guerrero from dating employees?
• Last time they let Kofi get this intense, he jobbed to Orton. I’d like to see him and Ziggler trade the belt back and forth a few times.
• Wow.  Didn’t think they’d go to Nexus so soon.  Have they busted up a Smackdown match yet?
• Sad this this happened right after a great exchange with the missed Trouble in Paradise in the Sleeper.
• Is their plan to dominate all of SummerSlam, not just the elimination match?
• That birthday card line was fantastic.
• Nexus unites to form Devastator! (Note: This is a Transformers reference.  The real Transformers, not the Michael Bay movies.)
• I’m surprised they didn’t draw a chalk line around Kofi.

Chris Jericho, Edge and The Miz backstage

• Had a chuckle at Edge munching on the SlimJim.
• Miz looks damn sharp in that suit.

Divas Championship: Alicia Fox vs Melina

• Did Melina steal that costume from Rey Mysterio’s closet?
• I like the peach body stocking that she’s got going there.  Looks like a nude suit.
• Time to watch Alicia Fox get circles worked around her again.  Thankfully my wings are coming soon.
• In all fairness, Alicia Fox has gotten better.  Not Melina better, but better.
• I really hope she’s just selling that knee.  I’d hate to see her go down again so quickly.
• I can’t tell if Melina’s boots were jacked from Bruiser Brody or Carroll Spinney.
• Melina, welcome back.  I missed the high point of your career, but I’m pleased as punch to see you back on top.
• Oh, hello Ley-Cool.  Building to a unification match?
• Hehe, Leyla said “deever.”
• Please say this beatdown leads to a unification match.  Two titles is too many for the amount of active female workers they have.

By the way, these Teriyaki wings are damn tasty.

Who the hell is Trace Adkins?

They just keep making more Wayans.

The “Breaking Big Show’s hand” angle is the best taking down a big man angle since the “Cutting Andre the Giant’s hair and raping him of his dignity” angle.

Three on one handicap match: CM Punk, Luke Gallows and Joey Mercury with Serena vs The Big Show

• Mrs. Atomic popped for the “I broke Big Show’s hand” shirt.  It is a nice touch.
• Nice swerve with the hand being fully healed as well. Show must be like Wolverine.
• Mercury must be paying dues again.  He did get a huge break being invited back.
• LA loves them some CM Punk.
• Never seen the Big Show miss after shooshing the crowd.
• Didn’t think the StraightEdge Society would get in that much offense.  Granted, there are three of them, but Big Show has been getting Andre booking in Handicap matches.
• As much as Big Show’s offense is limited if he can’t use his hands, why not attack his head and completely incapacitate him?
• See, had they hit him in the head, he wouldn’t have decimated Gallows and Mercury.  Just sayin’, Mr. Punk.
• I wonder if they’ll find room for Punk vs Show at Night of Champions.  Might have to wait until October.

Kane promo/Sheamus interrupts

• The stroking of that casket is a bit erotic.
• Didn’t expect to see Sheamus.  Interesting twist.
• That’s what I’ve been saying all along.  They should have made a tiny casket for Rey.  Then Sheamus wouldn’t have been looking to borrow it.
• I’m really into this new intense Kane.

Miz promo

• Actually, the question is: What happened to your suit?
• The Missing Link had a green face.  You’re not him, Miz.
• Wow, in 2006, Miz could barely host Smackdown successfully.  Now, he’s a promo machine.
• Another guy with intensity.  Miz really is the future.  Here’s hoping he doesn’t flip out or decide that he really wants to play Jai Alai.
• Yay cheap heat!
• Three heels, four faces.  Sounds like a blast.
• Of course, Nexus will now attempt to destroy The Miz, and probably will before this segment is over.
• This isn’t sing along with the Miz!
• Miz quits Team WWE in 3, 2, 1 …
• Nah, looks like he’ll stay on, until he’s jumped by Nexus.  It’s coming, just wait.
• Striker offering Cole offering Cole water after he nearly jumped out of his skin was the funniest thing I’ve seen tonight.

Nice video package on Orton vs Sheamus 2.  The build for this, while overshadowed by the Nexus program, was much better than the quick build to their first match in January.

Of course, that was overshadowed by Edge’s return and Bret Hart.

WWE Championship: Sheamus vs Randy Orton (via DQ)

• Doubled over for the Sheamus as Beaker sign.
• I have to say I see Sheamus going over.  They might find some screwy way for Orton to get another match next month.  Maybe a three way involving new WWE Champion The Miz?
• Orton’s tan actually looks natural tonight.  It’s nice to see him not looking like a member of the Jersey Shore cast.
• I love when they do the in-ring intros.  It lets everyone know that this is the important one.
• So the OchoCinco guy was on the other TV.  Does anyone else think that a guy who changes his name to OchoCinco has a future in wrestling?
• Orton just stomped a mudhole into Sheamus.
• He’s now whipping him like a government mule.
• Ladies, are we in agreement that Orton would look better with his hair? Right now he looks like a tan Olympic swimmer.
• Some fan in the first row just got Orton’s sweat on them.
• I don’t expect anyone to run like a scalded dog, and I think we can rule out anyone bleeding like a stuck pig.  No animal hat trick tonight.
• Orton has been in control too long.  Sheamus needs to take over soon.
• Pretty sure Orton’s outside strategy is a poor one.  He does need to win this one in the ring.
• And Sheamus comes back.  About time.
• Is that the same arm that Orton was selling a couple months ago?  The one he shoot injured at Over the Limit?
• Jiminy.  I thought Orton was going into the second row after that toss.
• Why are they spending so much time outside the ring? Sheamus isn’t this limited, neither is Orton.  It’s not like Kane vs Rey is going to be a clinic either, and I expect the elimination match to be super screwy.
• Lawler doesn’t appear to be watching his monitor.  I gather he hasn’t seen a brawl like this in a while.
• It’s a bit early for Orton’s babyface comeback.  His series is too short for the length I expect for this match.
• Orton is still selling the biceps.  Can’t hear if they’ve mentioned the previous injury.
• Okay, now the comeback can begin.  Fist to mat any second now.
• Huge superplex.  Good to mix in that spot.
• Hmm, Orton still hasn’t flipped out, nor has he hit the over the rope DDT.  This one might be longer than I expect.
• Not that that’s a bad thing.  This has been pretty solid.  Lots of great back and forth without any screwiness.
• Sheamus is going to have an uncomfortable week of traveling.  His legs hit funny after the brogue kick miss.
• And there’s the DDT and the flip out.  But the RKO was countered? Great touch.  We don’t see that often enough.
• They had me after the Brogue kick.  This has been one of the better finishing series we’ve seen.  Then again, this is one of the better PPV matches of the year.  Key factor: No Cena, Batista or Rey.
• Ugh.  Didn’t expect the DQ.  I guess they have to extend this feud somehow.  I would watch this again.
• Sheamus isn’t be down enough for Miz to come after him.
• A low blow in lieu of the RKO? That’s different.
• This has just become the best feud in the company.  Of course, if Orton leaves Sheamus laying, Miz will be all over it.
• Ugh, the table didn’t break.  Sheamus took that RKO funny.
• I guess Cole and Striker disconnected.  Ah, there’s Striker.  Just in time for the replay.
• I’m about 50/50 on The Miz right now.
• I guess the appearance of this crappy Cena movie trailer rules out The Miz all together.

Another solid video package.  A little too much red tint, but it captures the great build in a nice nutshell.

World Heavyweight Championship Casket Match: Rey Mysterio vs Kane

• Rey looks like an orange stormtrooper.
• This entrance is too long.
• Ah, they had to set up the casket.   Understandable delay.
• Has Kane done a casket match before? I’m thinking there may have been one with Taker, but my memory is hazy.
• I think the Chim does a much better in-ring, big fight intro than Justin Roberts does, but that’s entirely subjective.  I’m sure someone likes Roberts better.
• Um, why was Charles Robinson about to count a pinfall? Is he confused about the rules of a casket match?
• Why does Rey’s offense always come in really short bursts?  Is it the David and Goliath thing? It just seems like he never has sustained offense.
• I guess if Rey can’t walk, he can’t get out of a casket.  Or he could just submit, as this is the strangest casket match ever.
• I thought Kane was going to decapitate Rey with that lariat.
• Really tired of seeing Rey thrown under the bottom rope.  Throw him over the top rope into the crowd, or at least the barricade.  Is he that fragile?
• I gather if Kane hit that backbreaker squarely he’d have killed Rey.
• Of course, that sidewalk slam looked devastating as well.
• Uh, Kane, that’s how Sid Vicious busted his leg up.  Be careful up there.
• Nice reversal of that Tombstone into the DDT.
• Dang.  They had me with Rey in the casket.
• I hate the 619.
• So close.  Sick kick afterward.
• And Kane wins with a chokeslam, of all things.  Time for Rey to go in the box, and time for Undertaker to show up.
• Nice flurry of chokeslams post-match.  And there’s the Tombstone.  Figured this was a big enough occasion to see one.
• Had a feeling Taker was going to be in the casket.  Took me two tries to be right.
• Nice to see Rey begging for his life.
• I totally called this program back in July.  And I’m damn glad to see it, not just to be right.
• I really hope this goes all the way to Hell in a Cell.  I love Taker vs Kane feuds.

So will the new Smackdown on SyFy set be a strip club?

Is there any footage of the Tiffany and Drew McIntyre fight?

Matt Hardy and Leyla know how to read?

It’s been nearly 13 years since Bret was in a PPV main event.

This is a really long video package.  Guess there’s a lot of story to tell.

7-on-7 Elimination Match: The Nexus (Wade Barret, Heath Slater, Michael Tarver, Darren Young, Skip Sheffield, David Otunga, Justin Gabriel) vs Team WWE (John Cena, Bret “Hitman” Hart, Edge, Chris Jericho, John Morrison, R-Truth and The Miz Daniel Bryan)

• So, Cena’s gone from orange to purple?
• All seven Team WWE members are getting separate entrances?
• Thankfully, we don’t have to hear the full version of “What’s Up?”
• Even as a heel, Jericho is super over.  Even more so than Edge.
• Miz is pretty over, but I think his catchphrase is more over than he is.  That’ll change.
• Morrison needs to shave if he’s going to remain a babyface.
• Wait, is Miz being bumped? I guess here comes Triple H.
• Wait, WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?
• My wife just lifted my jaw.  Brian Danielson is main eventing SummerSlam? Didn’t he just work EVOLVE?
• What’s up with Darren Young’s hair?
• And Daniel Bryan as a submission victory on PPV.  I feel like I’m in Bizarro World.
• Bets on Truth being the first elimination for Team WWE?
• Additional bets on Bryan turning on Team WWE?
• I guess this is where the Nexus program ends.
• Nobody on Team WWE is as big as Sheffield.  That was a bad move on their part.
• Sheffield looks great.  Much better than anything he did on NXT.
• Hmm, Morrison went down first.  Guess Truth is next?
• That was one sick Lariat.
• And just like that, Truth is gone as well and we’re even up.
• Nexus is finally making tags.  Speeds up the match a lot with fast tags.
• With the way the announcers are talking, you’d think Ted Turner and Eric Bischoff are behind Nexus.
• This is the most physical Bret has been yet.  Looks great.
• So, did Slater tap? Guess not.
• Good way to get rid of Bret without him getting hurt.
• I feel a Spear coming up.
• Beautiful Spear as well.
• Gabriel may be the most athletic of all the Nexus.  That spinning heel kick on Edge was beautiful.
• Slater’s trunks are too sparkly.
• I think I’d want to see Edge and Barrett in a true one-on-one match.  They look like they’d be a good matchup.
• Huge Lionsault.  And an even bigger submission.
• Really getting into this one.  I thought it would be miserable.
• Looking good for that Bryan heel turn.
• That’s a big notch for Slater.  Not many have gotten to pin Jericho on PPV.
• Make that Jericho and Edge.  Who did he fellate to get that spot?
• Will Super Cena be the last man standing?
• Are we going to see a 450 tonight?
• Will we find out tonight that Michael Cole is behind Nexus?
• Huge suicide dive.  Bryan looks fantastic against Slater.
• Two submission dukes for Bryan on PPV.
• Didn’t expect to see Miz again.  Foolish me.
• I guess it’s Super Cena time.  Perhaps Triple H appears to save the day?
• Or will Trips align himself with Nexus?
• I will say that that was a massive mea culpa to Danielson.  Bring him back on PPV and give him two submission wins.  That’s classy.
• They’re gonna Vaderize Cena.  Or something like that.
• Sickening thud on that DDT.
• No pin right off, so it’s time for some screwiness.
• What time is it? 450.
• Crazy stuff.  That was screwy, but the crowd loved it.
• Barret’s facial in the STF is fantastic.
• All Super Cena, all the time.
• Only mildly surprised by that finish.  Thought there would be more interference.  I gather that was technically showing restraint, even if it did put Cena over as a superhuman with no weaknesses.

Fantastic show, top to bottom.  Really enjoyed it.  Fun booking, only one finish I could have done without (Sheamus should have gone over clean) and great work all around.  Plus, I got to see one of my favorite works thrust back onto a national stage.

I also really liked my iPhone rig.  This is the fasted turnaround I’ve had yet.  All to better serve you folks :)