The Atomic Drop

Opening segment: Cena and Orton face off

• I’m pleased as punch to see the old WWF logo on the Raw Roulette wheel. I’m not pleased to see yet another match between these two. I haven’t even seen all their matches, yet I’ve seen it too often.
• At least it isn’t Orton vs Triple H.
• You know, I kinda miss Trips. He has a habit of making me want to see him work again whenever he’s away.
• I’m pulling for the pillow fight. Randy would own in a pillow fight.
• How many women want to have a pillow fight with Randy Orton?
• Tables? Really?
• What’s a Song and Dance match?
• Was I the only one that saw ____ On a Pole and thought of Judy Bagwell?
• Of course I was. Stupid question.
• I’m thinking it’s time to retire the scratch logo and move in another direction.

This post is crazy long, so hit the jump if you want to keep reading!

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I’m I the only person hoping that WWE has coerced Damien Demento to job to the Undertaker on Raw 900? That was the first main event back in 1993.

No Disqualification Match for the WWE Championship: Rey Mysterio vs Kane

• Well, the match started with Rey kicking Kane’s legs and Kane throwing Rey under the top rope.  Guess they got those two spots out of the way as quickly as possible.
• Why the hell are there four Kendo Sticks under the ring?
• This is the most abuse Rey’s taken in a while.  Last time I saw him get this beat down was when Chavo put him on the shelf.
• Our local MNTV station is showing this segment in SD.  Dear America: Buy new TVs or deal with letterboxing.  You’ve had a few years.  Suck it up and embrace the change.
• So all this match has shown me is that unless Rey can cheat legally, he can’t be remotely effective against Kane.
• And even with hitting Kane with Kendo Sticks and chair shots, Rey still does the job.
• I’m a bit surprised Del Rio didn’t involve himself in this match.
• I’m still entirely excited for the upcoming Kane vs Undertaker series.  Hopefully, neither man gets hurt.

Alberto Del Rio promo/Beatdown of Rey

• Oh, there he is.  It’s my new favorite heel.
• Hehe, he just called Rey “little buddy.”
• I’d watch a show where Alberto and Rey are on a desert island with five other castaways.
• Swagger could be The Professor, Kelly Kelly Ginger, Tiffany (if she doesn’t go to jail) Mary Ann, and Vince and Linda would be the Howells.
• “Here on Smackdown Isle!”
• Oh, and Del Rio coldcocking Rey while he was down drew some nice heat.
• Oh, shit, he just Pillmanized his arm!
• I really like that cross arm-armbreaker.

CM Punk with Luke Gallows, Joey Mercury and Serena vs JTG

• MVP and Cody Rhodes are bumped to NXT, Drew McIntyre works Masters on Superstars and they somehow find a way to get JTG onto the main show? What the hell?
• I will miss Serena Deebs and everything she brought to the ring.  Two things primarily.
• They brought back the Anaconda Vice? Kickass!
• JTG got in less offense than any jobber I’ve ever seen.

CM Punk promo

• “A pool of his own drool” eh Punk? Guess we can’t leave him in a pool of blood any longer.

Rosa Mendes and Teddy Long backstage/Hornswoggle does his cartoon crap again

• Is it just me, or is The Shake Weight just a big bundle of innuendo?
• While I was a little bored with Hornswoggle charades, Horny doing the Peanut Head dance was a riot.

Dashing Cody Rhodes’ Grooming Tips

• Dunno if I’m going to shave my entire body, but Cody looks good.

Intercontinental Championship: Dolph Ziggler with Vickie Guerrero vs Kofi Kingston

• Wow, Kofi already lost his rubber band.  That was fast.
• I have the oddest feeling this feud will go to the PPV and they’ll finally bar Vickie from ringside then.
• The back and forth has been great.  The only problem is, every match between these two is just a countdown to Vickie interfering.
• They had me after that Fireman’s Carry takedown.  That actually might have been three.
• So Vickie gives Dolph the countout loss and he’s happy? I’m really tired of her.  When is Teddy going to step in? Does he even do anything any longer?

And we’re still in SD.  I can’t wait until Smackdown goes over to SyFy.

So that whole segment was just a recap of last week’s Kane promo?

Okay, looks like we might squeeze in the basketball contest.

Or not.  There’s the commercial.

Jack Swagger Sr. Invitational: Jack Swagger vs MVP

• Uh, so it’s not a basketball contest? I’ve never heard the term “shootout” used for an amateur wrestling contest.
• Ooh, Cape Cod Melody Tent was this weekend.  I’m sure that drew well.
• Okay, so this thing that isn’t even a match ends in disqualification? Why are they bothering to start this feud? They won’t have time for this match at Night of Champions.
• That said, Swagger hosting VIP lounge should be fun.

Ley-Cool and Kaval backstage

• I have to agree with Ley-Cool: Melina did look ridiculous.  Entirely too silly for such a big event.

Are we really going to call Drew and Cody “Dashingly Sinister?” That sounds awesome.  And it made Mrs. Atomic groan, so it works perfectly.

Alberto Del Rio vs Carlos Sanchez

• I still think they should have gotten Joel Gertner.  He used to do the intros for Extreme Lucha LIbre in ECW.
• Okay, he goes from destroying Rey Mysterio to working a local jobber?
• Sanchez has more offense than JTG.  Mr. JTG, rent, don’t buy.
• The setup for the cross arm-breaker is fantastic.  Del Rio is a fantastic addition to Smackdown.

The Big Show with Kelly Kelly vs Luke Gallows with Joey Mercury and Serena

• Why is Striker suddenly behind Show? Just a matter of curiosity.
• Well, there goes the StraightEdge Society.

Undertaker promo/Kane interrupts

• No major change to the Undertaker after this hiatus? Strange.
• Maybe he’ll have a new move or something similar.
• So they’ve added a Doc Holliday cough?
• I like Kane’s implication that Undertaker is getting on in years and doesn’t have it any more.  This might be building towards Undertaker retiring.
• I’m hoping Undertaker throws lightening.
• Hmm, third time might be the charm for Kane.
• Biggum heat for Kane stealing Taker’s line.  This whole segment was fantastic.

So will we see Darren Young join the ranks of wrestlers looking to stop Nexus? Will Commander Cody escape the rocket men from the moon? Stay tuned …
Did they change the opening video again?

Sheamus promo

• I’m entirely with Sheamus on American children.  Hopefully my child will be the exception.
• I really like the “It’s next week” sign.  Reminds me of the good old days of biweekly taped Raw episodes.
• Hasn’t Orton already been in prison? He did go AWOL. 
• On that note, who does that? Who signs up for military service, then runs away? There’s better ways to wash out then running from your mistakes.
• Throne? Is Sheamus going to take a shit?
• Were I Sheamus, I’d immediately name Santino.
• So does the GM have a different email address for the locker room? It seems like too many people are ready to go when the GM decides something.
• They should have a locker room camera and have someone backstage who find the guys the GM wants and sends them to gorilla.

Edge vs R. Truth

• It’s very hard to believe that the people involved in Creed perform Edge’s theme.  Really, you make this crowning music of awesome and then go back to making sappy Jesus rock?
• And now the opposite of awesome, R. Truth.
• I think I’ll take a nap during this match.
• Anyone remember when Truth was NWA champion?
• So, is Michael Cole becoming a heel on Raw as well? Don’t get me wrong, I don’t like Truth’s song either, but Cole is the babyface, no?
• I’m really going to lie down.  If anything interesting happens, I’ll comment on it.
• So first Lawler lampshades Sheamus wanting to pick a weak wrestler.  That was good.  Then, they ruin the Easter Bunny for kids.  Not as good.
• Not sure what I’ll do about said rabbit for my future offspring.  Perhaps rather than outright lying, just make it a game? Suggestions?
• Pretty dull match.  I dug that Edge dodged that ugly Truth kick that everyone else eats and hit the Spear for the pin.
• My sister, about to turn 21, told me that she thinks Edge is too old to be wrestling.  Edge debuted in WWE when she was seven.  Therefore, she may be right.

I never got to see Cena and Miz last year.  Hope they turn it up.
Never seen Warehouse 13.  Looks interesting.
Anyone else see that the Chinese press had pictures of Shawn Michaels wrestling in their coverage? Odd stuff.

The Great Khali with Runjin Singh vs Chris Jericho

• I have a Runjin Singh trading card. I’ll show it to you guys later.
• Why do I smell cigarette smoke? I hope I’m not having a stroke.
• Anyone remember when Khali was world champion? Yes, you can remember.  This was real, not like that Satanic ritual abuse you thought you suffered at a day care center in the 80’s. (Note: I read too much Wikipedia at work.  Please ignore my ramblings.)
• I just got up to shoo a cricket outside and ended up killing it.  Did anything interesting happen? Nah, who am I kidding, it’s Kahli!
• Nice finishing sequence.  Nice to see Jericho fell a giant.
• These guys aren’t going to impress Sheamus with accolades, they’ll impress him by losing.  Or, getting a sunburn.

I thought I didn’t have any snark in me tonight, but I guess I do.  Hours of talking to people in hotels, I guess.

John Cena interview

• Does Cena speak in declarative statements when he’s not on camera as well?

It’s the stripper pole ad for Smackdown on SyFy! Oh boy!

Diva’s Championship Match: Jillian vs Melina

• Melina looks much better when she’s dressed like a human being.
• Wait, Need for Feed is sponsoring Raw? I might need to go there again.  Yay ribs!
• Boston gets Raw 900? It should be in NY! Where Raw started! Where the people aren’t smelly tools! (Note: Apologies to any Bostonian readers.  Tom gets cranky when the Yankees lose.)
• Jillian is getting in a lot of offense, and they shouldn’t be mocking tennis.  USA has tennis, and it starts up again soon.
• I really love that Melina finisher.  She’s really fluid, even against stiffs like Jillian.
• It would actually be cooler if she started doing the Canadian Destroyer.
• Unification match at Night of Champions? Yes, please.

Miz interview

• Why is Cena glomming all over Miz and Bryan? When did he become Hulk Hogan?
• That was the best Miz promo ever.  Big ups to him and whoever is writing his stuff.

That throne really can’t be that comfortable.

Wade Barrett and Nexus promo/GM ruins Sheamus’ night

• Hmm, isn’t Barrett due a title shot?
• Well, not much of a promo, but a cool expository segment.
• Sheamus’ facials are improving.

The Miz vs John Cena

• These ring entrances just get longer and longer.  Too much time is wasted.
• Then again, this isn’t going to be Thez vs Brisco (Note: Jack, not Mark or Jay.  Or Gerald for that matter.)
• When I played basketball as a child, I couldn’t make free throws, mostly because I never got fouled so I didn’t bother practicing for it.  My coach made me take free throws until I started hitting them repeatedly.  I got better, then eventually automatic.  The agents need to make Cena run into the ring post repeatedly until he gets it right.  He hits that post and exposes the business harder than Dave Meltzer with a live mic.
• Sheamus looks like he’s about to fall asleep.  Can I join him?
• Woke right up when Miz shook off the bulldog attempt.  That worked nicely.
• Haven’t seen anyone cut off a Cena comeback like that, well, ever. 
• The SCF requires too much set up.  Miz need to go back to moves he can pull out of nowhere.
• Hmm, no tap on the STF.  Miz really is the future.  Perhaps this is why we haven’t pulled the trigger on on Miz vs Sheamus yet.
• Bryan gets his revenge and Miz gets a win over Cena. 
• Ooh, the LeBell Lock.  Hell of a move.  Looks much more devastating than the STF.

Santino Marella and Vladimir Kozlov vs The Usos with Tamina

• Remember when Santino pinned Umaga for the Intercontinental title? In Italy? And we all laughed because Santino is just a rib on Gorilla Monsoon?
• Never thought I’d see Santino in a tag team where he does most of the work.
• Kozlov == Robert Gibson 2010.
• That actually wasn’t terrible for what it was.  Kozlov hasn’t gotten the pin in a while.
• I’m actually curious if Tamina’s mother is the women that Snuka may have killed or been involved in her death.  I don’t mean that to be tasteless; it’s just curiosity.
• “I think she likes me.” Santino is a master of understatement.

Holy crap, The Big Event!
Dang, all those guys are in the HOF.  When is Jake Roberts getting in?
I’ve actually never seen that show.  Might have to go looking for it.
My first Raw moment: Seeing Luna Vachon tear the top off the late Sherri Martel.  This was the ancillary feud to Shawn Michaels vs Tatanka back in 1993.

Ted DiBiase with Maryse vs John Morrison vs Randy Orton

• Well, Michael Cole, I think Sheamus is going to choose Jay Uso, because he sucks, but that’s just me.
• “Orton is so orange, ‘cause he tans so much / I hear cancer in his skin it cries to me.” Or something like that.  So so orange. 
• Beyond that, Orton is looking better these days.  Hair is a good thing on a man his size.
• Can Orton RKO both these guys and end the show so I can watch NXT and go to bed? May as well cut to the chase.
• Flash kick? Is Morrison suddenly Guile from Street Fighter II? For his next trick, he throws a Sonic Boom!
• Sonic Boom!
• Sonic Boom!
• Sorry, I was having arcade flashbacks.  Kids used to throw Sonic Booms over and over again.
• Ooh, I see a welt forming on Morrison’s back after that sloppy DiBiase neckbreaker.
• Again with the flash kick? Sonic Boom!
• Speaking of Streat Fighter, isn’t Kofi Kingston just Dee Jay from Super Street Fighter II?
• I guess there’s no pretty way to counter Dream Streets.
• That was an awesome RKO.  Finishers that come from out of nowhere are the best.
• Hey, both guys got RKOed.  I could totally book Raw.  Dammit Vince, hand me the pencil!
• Sonic - nah, sorry, it’s over.
• Randy is taking the Ace Crusher to new heights.  Beyond Austin, beyond DDP, beyond Johnny Ace. 
• Fuck Johnny Ace.

Sheamus interview

• Or not.

Sheamus promo

• Show me Jay Uso!!!
• Why was there a referee at ringside? Did he not go back to the locker room?
• Ryder? Hah!
• Hah even!
• You know a gimmick is bad when it makes me regret dating someone from Long Island.

WWE Championship: Sheamus vs Zack Ryder

• Email noise? Please? Don’t make me watch Ryder wrestle.
• Or the Brogue Kick.  That works just as well.
• Lovely squash.
• Now, can we have the email noise?
• Crap, Bourne got more offense in weeks ago.  Happy to see it.
• Uh, Sheamus, you don’t have to defend, but they’ll make you do it.

Wade Barrett interrupts Sheamus’ promo/The GM further interrupts

• This final segment is getting convoluted.
• I really wish we would have an all-British Isles championship match, but I know there’s a Six-Pack Challenge about to be booked.
• That may be the first time anyone popped for Wade Barrett doing anything.
• The GM must type 200 + WPM, which is impossible.  They need to work on that.
• And there it is.  Barrett will rampage next week.
• Love the look on Jericho’s face.
• Dear ABC, make more Downfall episodes.  Screw Shaq Vs.
• Not sure if I like Orton in another multi-man match.  He tends to get lost in the shuffle.
• Honestly, I want Sheamus to survive this, then maybe drop to Miz.  Overcoming five guys would be huge for him.  This could set up a rematch at Hell in a Cell.
• I guest turnabout is fair play for Barrett.
• The crowd loved that last sequence, as silly as it was.  Very stagy, but a great final image.

Excited for next week’s show.  Not only is it Raw 900, a local comedy troupe is going to live riff on the show.  All over that.

This will be my first note in the new SimpleNote app. They’ve introduced a new fullscreen mode which feels amazing. Every inch of the iPhone’s screen filled with my text.
Of course, depending on how you feel about my writing, that’s not necessarily a good thing, is it?
I’m still glad Kane got a clean win over Rey, as Rey seems to get a lot of help in that department. Kane has been booked very well as of late, and he deserves it for his years of being a good, loyal soldier.

Rey Mysterio promo/Alberto Del Rio interrupts

• I wasn’t really paying attention to what Rey was saying. Then Smackdown suddenly became a telenovela.
• I really have no idea what these two are on about.
• So I got that Rey doesn’t respect Alberto and vice versa? Whatever.

Dashing Cody Rhode’s Grooming Tips

• Awesome, as always.

Intercontinental Championship: Kofi Kingston vs Dolph Ziggler with Vickie Guerrero

• Were there really marks writing about Striker rooting for babyfaces? If so, they likely were wearing sweatpants.
• Not their best confrontation, by a long shot.
• Not sure why they went with obvious interference. I say they kill this feud and give Kofi something more productive to do.

Ley-Cool backstage/Hornswoggle spies like a Looney Tunes character

• That was positively surreal.

StraightEdge Society backstage

• Woohoo! Haven’t seen Serena work since Wrestlelicous.
• Guess Kelly Kelly is taking the pin.

Mixed-Tag Match: Luke Gallows and Serena with Joey Mercury vs Big Show and Kelly Kelly

• If Show inhales wrong, he will swallow Kelly Kelly.
• Nothing spectacular, as Kelly was involved, but it was good to see Serena work.
• It’s also good to be right. I could totally be on WWE Creative.

Kane explains himself

• Wow. 1997. Glen Jacobs had hair. Montreal hadn’t happened yet. Memories …
• Ooh, show some Ministry of Darkness clips!
• Did I really just see Hogan and Angle in that montage?
• This angle is fantastic. I really does feel like a culmination of all their history. I just wish they didn’t gloss over the WrestleMania XX match.
• Really looking forward to Kane vs Undertaker at Hell in a Cell. Make it happen, WWE.

Christian vs Drew McIntyre

• Hello Cody. What brings you to ringside, other than a very dapper suit?
• McIntyre is positively vicious.
• Rhodes is really good on commentary. He might have a future as a color man if being dashing doesn’t work out.
• Christian’s one-armed comeback was solid. This one match is better than anything that was on Impact.
• Wow, amazing, out-of-nowhere win for Christian.
• Stellar post-match beatdown as well. I look forward to a great series of tag matches between these two factions.

Jack Swagger, Rosa Mendes and MVP backstage

• A shootout? As in the basketball contest MVP had with Matt Hardy five years ago?

Teddy Long and Kane backstage

• Teddy has been watching Vince McMahon tapes for inspiration.

Alberto DelRio vs Rey Mysterio

• Wow, he got the JBL entrance on his first night. That’s pretty impressive.
• There is no worm in tequila. The worm can be found in bottles of mescal, which Del Rio wouldn’t be drinking.
• Will Rey’s primary offense always involve kicking guys in the calves in all matches from now on?
• Del Rio doesn’t look too bad. I like that his goal appears to be to control the pace as he’s not big enough to completely dominate Rey.
• You can’t powerbomb Kidman and you can’t Monkey Flip Mysterio.
• I really like that finisher and I like that it was a clean win over Rey.

Abyss and Jeff Hardy’s neverending brawl

• So to follow up the bloody angle from last week, we get Jeff Hardy’s ass?
• I like the visual of the vacuum cleaner in the ring.
• It would be nice if they had the “Completely Inappropriate” censor box from Wipeout.
• Pants on the ground, pants on the ground, you’re actin’ like a fool with your pants on the ground.
• Who gave the security guys nightsticks?

Eric Bischoff promo

• So a brawl that means nothing, and a Bischoff promo? Not the way to follow up that angle.  They should have a scarred Tommy Dreamer demanding Fourtune to face him like men, not the Ken Doll.
• So why wasn’t Abyss barred from the building?
• A tournament, eh? Why not invite all ten men and give 1 and 2 a bye? Reward the better workers instead of punishing up with bad matches?

TNA World Title Tournament Quarterfinals
The Freak Rob Terry vs Jeff Hardy

• They seem to go back and forth on when Terry will sell. If Kazarian can’t put a dent in him, how can Jeff Hardy?
• It’s okay to have gaps in logic, but not these gaping holes, espeically when it comes to your world title.
• I certainly didn’t believe that they’d make Rob Terry world champion, but they did put him into the tournament.

Hulk Hogan on the phone

• Yes Hulk, please quit!

TNA World Title Tournament
Jay Lethal vs Ken Anderson

• It would be nice if they told us what the hell the current rankings were so I could see how they bracketed it, but no, that would make too much sense.
• Good back and forth action.  With time, this could be a great match.
• Knew Lethal was done after the missed dropkick.
• So Anderson vs Hardy again? I can’t look ahead without a bracket? Can we get a frigging bracket, TNA? Or does your graphics department only do stuff for the damn store?

Angelina Love interview

• There really wasn’t anything to do that.
• If they keep cutting women, there won’t be much of a Knockouts division, will there?

Nice video package on the Machineguns.  Wish I didn’t have to wait another week to see them work again.

TNA Knockouts Championship rematch: Madison Rayne with bodyguard vs Angelina Love with Velvet Skye

• So, is Velvet a babyface now?
• We’ll find out who’s under that helmet as soon as we find out who was driving the white Hummer.
• Really not liking the streaks in Velvet’s hair.
• So, will Velvet get a title shot now?
• I think they just set up a tag match.

Ric Flair and Fourtune promo/Dixie Carter interrupts with EV 2.0

• I guess they’re finally explaining Williams and Morgan’s appearances.
• So the only reason they beat up EV 2.0 is because they don’t like hardcore wrestling?
• Actually, Dixie, that’s a soundstage at Universal, which is owned by NBC. You just rent it, hun.
• So James Maritado gets a contract? And Mamaluke?
• This is a fantastic Foley promo.  And I wish the same thing you do Mick.
• Not looking forward to Tommy and AJ.

Kurt Angle promo

• Um, Kurt, you can’t retain the TNA World Title unless you already have it.  You don’t have it.  You want to “regain” the title.

TNA World Heavyweight Title Tournament Quarterfinals

Douglas Williams vs Kurt Angle

• Doug is one hell of a worker.  Another match I’d want to see with more time.
• Angle’s babyface comeback was the most explosive one I’ve seen him have in a while.
• Wow. Angle blocking Chaos Theory and applying the anklelock was beautiful.  Kurt has been on fire recently.  Hopefully this really is his last big run and he gets a proper retirement. 

Kevin Nash and Sting promo/Jarrett interrupts/Hogan gloms on again/Fourtune kills everyone

• Horizontal stripes? Really Nash?
• With EV 2.0 in the mix, the median age of TNA’s locker room is closer to 50 than ever.
• *snore*
• Actually, ratings are flat since Bischoff and Hogan showed up.
• So this is Fourtune’s new gimmick? Sabu should sue.

Tommy Dreamer, Raven, Stevie Richards and Mamaluke backstage

• So, we’re supposed to believe that Raven and Tommy are on good terms again.
• Mamaluke is all over Impact.

TNA World Title Tournament Quarterfinals
Matt Morgan vs The Pope D’Angelo Dinero

• So, Samoa Joe and Abyss have completely fallen out of the Top 8? As much as I appreciate Abyss not being there, where’s the methodology to explain a fall from 1 to below 8? And wasn’t Joe top 8 two weeks ago?
• I love watching these two.  Morgan has finesse to match his size and Pope is just so fluid.
• Wow, Pope with a huge upset.  That was the best match thus far tonight.

About time we get a bracket.  Hardy vs Angle and Anderson vs Pope.  Nothing new, nothing exciting.

Mick Foley promo

• I like the passion in Mick’s promos recently.
• I also can’t wait for his new book.  I want to hear more about the TNA locker room.

AJ Styles vs Tommy Dreamer

• Couldn’t they do a Jimmy Hart version of Man in the Box? Would it have been that difficult?
• Not much to say about the match so far.  It’s a major mismatch, but it’s watchable.  I could have done without Tommy’s cut getting reopened.
• Wait, how did AJ fall out of the top eight as well?
• Utter clusterfuck.  And that kid had a Justin Bieber haircut.  Parents, if you love your children, don’t let them cut their hair like Justin Bieber.

Please say for the  900th episode they finally ditch this terrible Nickelback song.

I still think that SummerSlam was a boatload of fun. Not a perfect show, but let’s be honest, there really isn’t such a thing.

Nexus promo/Cena interrupts

• Barrett had a good promo there.  Of course, they’re not going to get their heat back with words alone.
• Cena’s promo is a little flat.
• A small portion of the crowd loves them some Daniel Bryan.
• Cena did say what I was thinking about both Otunga and Tarver.
• Wow.  Photoshop trolling.  Wonderful.
• Gay jokes? Really?
• I know Cena is the top babyface, but I’d rather see a more serious face taking on Nexus.  Perfect role for Randy Orton (see, I don’t hate him, cats and kittens).
• When did WWE adopt the “You tapped out” bit from indie crowds? What’s next? “You got bitch slapped?” “You got served?” “She’s a crack whore?”
• So far, Nexus didn’t regain any heat and Cena was merely annoying.

Nexus vs Team WWE

Wade Barrett vs Chris Jericho

• Jericho technically gets to wrestle babyface tonight.  So far that appears to be his want.
• I have to wonder if anyone actually gets eliminated from Nexus tonight.  All seven members winning would return all their heat.
• Why does it say Paper Jamz when there is no Paper Jamz?
• It seems like every other heel has a boot to the face spot.  Barret should be differentiating himself, not doing the same as the other heels.
• Wonderful reversal of the Codebreaker.  Decent, if short, match.

Guest host segment/New tag titles/Nexus challenge Bret Hart

• Is that Chris Hardwick, aka @nerdist? No, no it isn’t.  I have no idea who the short guy is, and frankly, I no longer give a fuck.
• The cheap heat and cheap pops were killing me there.  Stick to the romcoms, fellas.
• Okay, I legitimately just thought “when are they getting new belts? It’s been years!” And then they announced new belt.
• Bret’s not taking a 450.

Nexus vs Team WWE

Michael Tarver vs Daniel Bryan

• They should totally license “The Final Countdown” for Bryan’s entrance.
• Holy crap, Bryan is about to cave in Tarver’s chest.
• Oh, hello Miz and Riley.  How not surprising
• Here’s hoping this does lead to that rumored match at the next PPV.
• So that’s two for Nexus.  Who will Cena boot from Nexus tonight?

The Miz and Alex Riley backstage

• I guess they need to reestablish Miz as a heel.  They do not want him getting cheers.  They do not want the crowd to sing along with him.
• I really want to see Bryan show up on NXT tonight and lock Cattle Mutilation on Riley.

Nexus backstage

• Of course Darren Young chooses John Cena.  He called him out earlier.

Nexus vs Team WWE

Justin Gabriel vs Bret “The Hitman” Hart (Did not take place)

• After last night, I can assume that Bret has gotten clearance to do a little bit more.
• Or not.  Damn you phantom GM.

Nexus vs Team WWE (Kinda sorta)

Justin Gabriel vs Randy Orton

• Orton is looking orange again.  I guess either the TV at Buffalo Wild Wings didn’t pick up his tint properly, or Orton looks less orange next to Sheamus.  Take your pick.
• So when does Sheamus show up to screw Orton?
• Right after I type the question, apparently.
• See, I can sense the pattern.  Team WWE will continue to underestimate Nexus, or will be too wrapped up in their own shit to defeat them.
• So four referees show up to stop Orton from attacking Gabriel.  Where were they when Sheamus appeared? Is WWE hiring referees out of the TNA Security pool?
• That last RKO was the icing on the cake.  As I wrote last night, I’m really liking Orton and Sheamus.  Best Orton has been in six years.
• Did Michael Cole steal The Undertaker’s tie?

Nexus vs Team WWE

Skip Sheffield and David Otunga vs John Morrison and R. Truth

• Funny thing is, I just took a bathroom break.  That’s not the funny part.  I guessed at the pairings while in there.  And save for knowing there would be a tag match, I called this.  Figured Sheffield would want the little guy, and Slater would want Edge.
• Christ, what an asshole.  I hate this song.
• Bring back Pretty Ricky!
• Yeah, Michael Cole is in charge of Nexus.  I’m saying it now.  He wasn’t involved in the beatdown back on Viewers Choice night.  That will come back into play.
• Ted DiBiase still beefing with Morrison? I gather Miz has moved on from Truth.
• Of course, Truth and Morrison beat themselves all the time.
• Get your minds out of the gutter.
• Well, that was nothing to write home about.  I’m seeing the potential in Sheffield I saw months ago.

Six Diva Tag Team Match: Eve Torres, Melina and Gail Kim vs Maryse, Jillian and Alicia Fox

• I’m just surprised that they gave Jillian a victory.  That is all.
• I popped mildly for the Boogieman reference.

Edge interview/Heath Slater interrupts

• That was, interesting, I guess.
• Slater really patterned himself after Charlie Dreamer.  Look him up.

Nexus vs Team WWE

Heath Slater vs Edge

• I’m interested to see if Edge works babyface and if these two get more time than Jericho and Barrett.
• Slater’s trunks are too sparkly.  Did I mention that last night?
• Burger King chants > Wendy’s chants.
• You could clearly hear a fan in the first row telling Slater that he hates him.
• So, Edge has no program with anyone.  Will he actually job to Slater?
• As I write that, Slater steals the count-out victory.  That’s one way.
• Odds on Cena doing the job to Young? Or will Nexus lose a member?
• They’re doing a solid job of giving Nexus their heat back.  I was very impressed with Barrett and Sheffield in the ring.

The Great Khali and Justin Long backstage/the other goobers show up/The Bellas save the day

• Shouldn’t Santino be in this segment?
• Have I mentioned how much I love the Bella Twins? They can save any tanking segment just by showing up.  They light up the room.

I still love that they show a clip of Shawn Michaels vs Vader from SummerSlam 1996.  Shawn loses his shit at one point after Vader moves too far way from an elbow drop.  Classic bratty Shawn.

Nexus vs Team WWE

Darren Young vs John Cena

• Can’t John Cena pick a neutral color for his merchandise? Soon the arena’s will be so purple you’d think it was a Prince concert.
• That damn Psych promo made me want a burrito.
• Can someone get Cena some trunks? Or a singlet?
• Darren Young looked good for two weeks on NXT.  Beyond that, not so much.  He’s making Cena look like Lou Thez.
• Lou Thez, kids.  Google him.  You’ll get more hits than Charlie Dreamer.  Sorry, Charlie ;)
• What the hell was that dropping to a knee thing Young was doing?
• I need to do a research study.  Whose comebacks were more ridiculous: John Cena or Hulk Hogan.
• Yeah, that’s not surprising.
• And now Nexus will kill Young.  The most logical part of the segment.
• I think Nexus should start recruiting.  Maybe pick up some midcarders who want to be bigger.
• Of course, they shouldn’t recruit too much.  But it would be interesting if more joined their cause, whatever it ends up being.

I did get to see Hardcore Justice.  Really didn’t find it worth writing about.  It was good, but it could have been much better.  It was fun to see ECW spots, but not as fun as it was five years ago.

So, let’s fast forward to TNA’s actual programs culminating in this special.  It looks like they’re starting us off with a bang.

Kurt’s Quest

#7 Kurt Angle vs #6 AJ Styles

• They only thing bugging me about this match is that the TV title should have been on the line.  This is a TV.  The way to get around the title change? Make it only on the line in the first ten minutes, have Kurt win in 12-15.
• Wonderful suplex on the outside.  He could have thrown AJ into the first row if he wanted to.
• I’d like to watch Reaction, but my plate is pretty full at this point.  Might try to DVR it and not write it up.
• Can’t get behind that chinlock.  AJ wasn’t making it look good.
• They had me after the Pele.  Tight near fall.
• Kurt Angle is too old for moonsaults.  And yes, so was Terry Funk when he did them.
• Angle looked done after that springboard inverse DDT to the point that the Angle Slam looked horrible.  Angle’s stamina isn’t where it was when these guys had those amazing matches years ago.
• That being said, it wasn’t bad for what it was.  Good opener, but both these guys deserve better.
• I guess AJ got the TV title as a reward for getting jobbed down the card.

Knockouts Championship: Angelina Love vs Madison Rayne

• The Taz line about signing up to be the second rope was great.
• This is an interesting pairing.  Angelina came up through WWE Developmental. Madison was an indie star, stopping at the pinnacle of female work, Shimmer.  So a Diva-in-training and actual wrestler.
• That last note explains why this match is miserable.
• And here comes the woman everyone thinks is Mickie James.
• That bit was more interesting than the match.  And velvet looks better than anyone thus far.

Is it wrong that I couldn’t care any less about Hogan’s surprise? Does anyone remember when TNA promised a surprise every week? (Note: Of course not.  Most of you were barely ten years old when TNA started.  I’m miserably old.  Are you guys coming to my thirtieth birthday party?)

WWE Castoff Three-Way Match (Okay, it’s not called that, but I can dream, right?):

Ken Anderson vs Matt Morgan vs The Pope D’Angelo Dinero

• I’m going to take this opportunity to say fuck Randy Orton. Randy was concerned about his spot so he faked an injury and got Ken Andreson fired.  Randy’s a hell of a talent, so he should have had nothing to worry about.  I’m sure he’s a great guy otherwise as well, but Ken Anderson should be in a real company, not wrestling other WWE castoffs in Florida, so fuck Randy and his moment of selfishness last year.
• Cue the unfollows in 3, 2, 1 …
• Hey, I did put Randy over last night.  I can’t be too high on anyone :)
• Three-way matches are usually pretty lousy and this one hasn’t been much different.
• Matt Morgan chilling in front of the Puerto Rican flag is a fantastic visual.
• As was Morgan stealing the match.
• Crap overall.  A proper elimination match might have been better.  Perhaps given more time on PPV they could have done something with it.
• The best part was Anderson’s entrance.  He owns that crowd, more than Hardy, more than Angle, more than Joe, more than RVD.

Open Challenge Match: Jeff Hardy vs ???? Shannon Moore

• Didn’t Shannon carry Jeff’s bags? Wait, doesn’t he still carry his bags? (Note: Tenay mentioned later that they arrived together, so yes, there is still bag carrying going on.)
• I have to wonder if Shannon walks around in rural Carolina like that.  They’d probably have him committed.
• I wonder if these guys are wrestling the same match they did repeatedly in OMEGA.
• Mostly spots, but I wouldn’t want to see anything else form these two.  I gather they were inspired by RVD and Sabu.
• Moore is looking better than he has in a while.  I gather Hardy is the only one willing to give him his offense.
• Very southern match: two Carolina boys and a thief from Virginia.
• When Hardy went for the Swanton I threw my arms up.  Hardy getting a win after two moves makes him more ridiculous than John Cena.
• Okay, so he gets it after four moves.  I guess that was an audition for a possible singles push for Moore.  I liked the Moore offense.  He looked really good in this match, and he hasn’t looked that good since WCW.

Best of Five Series for the TNA World Tag Team Championship

Two Out of Three Falls Rubber Match: Beer Money vs The Motor City Machine Guns

• By the way, the Ultimate X match was as good as that cage match.  Sad to see that they’ve run out of gimmicks for the rubber match.
• Also by the way, I just made a fantastic cup of coffee.
• And already we’re there.  Such great work and they’ve barely locked up.
• I could watch Shelley and Roode all day long.
• It’s subtle, but I’ve noticed that all of the Guns’ tandem offense revolves around having larger opponents.  It’s fantastic to see and it shows how well these two can adapt.
• I really have to think these four were pissed about getting bumped from PPV for a bunch of forty year-old retirees and decided to steal every show they appear on.
• And I’m so glad they came to that decision.
• Sick looking DWI for the first fall.
• About time the Beer Money chant worked against them.
• Short, but fast and exciting second fall.
• Damn, that’s twice Sabin’s been planted on the apron.
• I’m very much a fan of the indie show “Everyone does a dive” spot.
• Double stomp-tree of woe combo? Yes, please!
• I damn near fell off the couch from after the springboard DDT.  He went half way across the damn ring! Amazing near fall!
• This match is too exciting.  It should have a warning label.
• Mrs. Atomic is sleeping.  Any more exiting and I might end up waking her.
• These men will have to kill each other.
• Thankfully, they didn’t.  Motor City is the real deal.  I’ve liked these guys for years, and they’re finally getting the push they deserve.
• Taz is right.  The last three matches are all MOTY candidates.  This match was truly the best match I’ve seen this year.
• So glad they got time on a show where most of the matches seemed compressed.  They should sell a DVD with all these matches uncut.  I’d probably even pay money to see them again.

Stairway to Janice for the World Heavyweight Championship: Abyss vs Rob Van Dam

• Your special guest referee and man who doesn’t understand the wrestling business as it stands today and that most of his best talent came from Ring of Honor and who can go fuck himself right away is Eric Bischoff.
• Good way to start the match hot.  RVD should have landed on Bischoff.
• Have any stairway matches started with the ladder ready to go right in the middle?
• RVD now joins the ranks of the handful of wrestlers who have had a major show named for them: Ric Flair, Hulk Hogan, Randy Savage, The Rock, The Undertaker and D-Generation X.  If I missed anyone, please let me know.
• Thankfully they appear to be avoiding this becoming a full-scale garbage match.
• If anyone is bumping off that mace, it’s Abyss.  RVD and Bischoff are not taking puncture wounds.
• Okay, RVD might take tacks.  Dunno about glass.
• Okay, the glass isn’t real.  Won’t be terrible for Rob.
• I wish Abyss wasn’t so limited.  His big bump is grazing tacks and fake glass.  Oh boy.
• RVD has been a bump machine.
• Phony barbed wire was well? Abyss grabbed it with a bare hand and didn’t even wince.  Right after an ECW style show, this just looks horrible.
• That Rolling Thunder would have looked better if Abyss took it full on.
• Thus far, this is less interesting than the SummerSlam main event.
• Off the ladder onto the ladder didn’t look great either.  Probably because Rob got caught up in the ropes.  Perhaps this leads to Rob taking time off?
• So Abyss lets go of the mace and it falls down? It wasn’t actually caught in the buckle? This match is horrible.
• Thought it might be redeemed by this upcoming Van Terminator.  Somewhat.
• That was the best looking spot of the match.  About time something clicked.
• Beer Money and MCMG should have closed the show.
• Can Abyss not be number one contender any longer? I’m tired of this guy and his poor workrate, even his own kind of matches.

Hogan’s Big Surprise/EV 2.0 and Tommy Dreamer promo/Fourtune beats down everyone/Abyss “carves up” RVD backstage

• Well, it’s no surprise that that Hogan has glom all over everything.
• Rather typical Hogan promo.  Put people over, then change the subject.
• If anything, Terry, TNA is number 3.
• Yes, Tenay, another curtain call that Hogan has to stand in the middle of and suck up everyone’s heat.  I’m tired of seeing that.
• Wait, when did Matt Morgan get in Fourtune?
• Was Sandman not drunk enough to be ready to help the boys?
• Wait, Douglas Williams is in Fourtune as well?
• Hmm, more phony looking stuff with Abyss.  I guess that leads to RVD’s time off.
• That was a pretty brutal beatdown.  Hopefully the claim isn’t that Fourtune hates hardcore wrestling, as that was the most violent thing I’ve seen in ages.
• I wonder how much aspirin the boys swallowed beforehand.  That was a lot of blood.  Mrs. Atomic is lucky she didn’t see that.  Even I’m a bit skeeved.

Caught the beginning of Reaction on my recording.  Looks like it might be worth checking out.

Fun show, with a crummy main event and a really great closing angle.  My adrenaline is still leveling out from the Beer Money vs MCMG match.  So amazing.

TNA has finally done something, albeit a little too brutal, to entice me to actually keep watching.  Could be interesting to see where all this goes.

Just noticed in the footage from Reaction that Robert Roode had a hockey stick.  That’s a wonderful throwback to his Team Canada days.  Was anyone watching then? Give me some feedback and let me know.

TNA has come a long way.  Hardly recognizable from the high quality technical work they used to exhibit, but they also have a better locker room.  I’m sure Angle, Styles and Joe are happy they aren’t carrying the entire company these days.

The TV here just said it will AutoTune to WWE SummerSlam.  Sadly, that doesn’t mean that we will hear Michael Cole sounding like T-Pain.

There’s a football game on tonight.  This means no sound for the show.  The good news is that I’m right under the one of the TVs showing the event.

Of course, they still won’t buy the show in HD.  I blame DirectTV

Scratch that.  We’re getting audio.  I guess nobody is interested in Denver and Cincy.

As the opening video plays, let me tell you about my rig for tonight.  I did bring my Bluetooth keyboard, as it’s small enough to transport.  I’ve got it paired to my iPhone 4.

Underneath the iPhone I’ve got a makeshift stand made of two binder clips and wet naps.  It’s pretty nerdy and completely awesome.

And Michael Cole’s voice in my ear means that it’s time for SummerSlam.

Dammit, Jerry Lawler, why do you only wear a a suit once a year? Even The Chim is better dressed than you.

Intercontinental Championship: Dolph Ziggler with Vickie Guerrero vs Kofi Kingston (No Contest after a Nexus attack)

• Vickie gets amazing heel heat, just with one catchphrase.  Some of the boys in the back must be losing their minds when they hear the crowd react to her.
• Kofi is in amazing shape.  I want to know what he’s up to in the gym.
• Malta? Why not Ghana? Why can’t Prince Nana’s people see SummerSlam?
• Damn, Kofi bounced on that suicide dive.
• In the wake of the sex and steroid scandals of the early 1990’s, shouldn’t there be sexual harassment rules that prevent Vickie Guerrero from dating employees?
• Last time they let Kofi get this intense, he jobbed to Orton. I’d like to see him and Ziggler trade the belt back and forth a few times.
• Wow.  Didn’t think they’d go to Nexus so soon.  Have they busted up a Smackdown match yet?
• Sad this this happened right after a great exchange with the missed Trouble in Paradise in the Sleeper.
• Is their plan to dominate all of SummerSlam, not just the elimination match?
• That birthday card line was fantastic.
• Nexus unites to form Devastator! (Note: This is a Transformers reference.  The real Transformers, not the Michael Bay movies.)
• I’m surprised they didn’t draw a chalk line around Kofi.

Chris Jericho, Edge and The Miz backstage

• Had a chuckle at Edge munching on the SlimJim.
• Miz looks damn sharp in that suit.

Divas Championship: Alicia Fox vs Melina

• Did Melina steal that costume from Rey Mysterio’s closet?
• I like the peach body stocking that she’s got going there.  Looks like a nude suit.
• Time to watch Alicia Fox get circles worked around her again.  Thankfully my wings are coming soon.
• In all fairness, Alicia Fox has gotten better.  Not Melina better, but better.
• I really hope she’s just selling that knee.  I’d hate to see her go down again so quickly.
• I can’t tell if Melina’s boots were jacked from Bruiser Brody or Carroll Spinney.
• Melina, welcome back.  I missed the high point of your career, but I’m pleased as punch to see you back on top.
• Oh, hello Ley-Cool.  Building to a unification match?
• Hehe, Leyla said “deever.”
• Please say this beatdown leads to a unification match.  Two titles is too many for the amount of active female workers they have.

By the way, these Teriyaki wings are damn tasty.

Who the hell is Trace Adkins?

They just keep making more Wayans.

The “Breaking Big Show’s hand” angle is the best taking down a big man angle since the “Cutting Andre the Giant’s hair and raping him of his dignity” angle.

Three on one handicap match: CM Punk, Luke Gallows and Joey Mercury with Serena vs The Big Show

• Mrs. Atomic popped for the “I broke Big Show’s hand” shirt.  It is a nice touch.
• Nice swerve with the hand being fully healed as well. Show must be like Wolverine.
• Mercury must be paying dues again.  He did get a huge break being invited back.
• LA loves them some CM Punk.
• Never seen the Big Show miss after shooshing the crowd.
• Didn’t think the StraightEdge Society would get in that much offense.  Granted, there are three of them, but Big Show has been getting Andre booking in Handicap matches.
• As much as Big Show’s offense is limited if he can’t use his hands, why not attack his head and completely incapacitate him?
• See, had they hit him in the head, he wouldn’t have decimated Gallows and Mercury.  Just sayin’, Mr. Punk.
• I wonder if they’ll find room for Punk vs Show at Night of Champions.  Might have to wait until October.

Kane promo/Sheamus interrupts

• The stroking of that casket is a bit erotic.
• Didn’t expect to see Sheamus.  Interesting twist.
• That’s what I’ve been saying all along.  They should have made a tiny casket for Rey.  Then Sheamus wouldn’t have been looking to borrow it.
• I’m really into this new intense Kane.

Miz promo

• Actually, the question is: What happened to your suit?
• The Missing Link had a green face.  You’re not him, Miz.
• Wow, in 2006, Miz could barely host Smackdown successfully.  Now, he’s a promo machine.
• Another guy with intensity.  Miz really is the future.  Here’s hoping he doesn’t flip out or decide that he really wants to play Jai Alai.
• Yay cheap heat!
• Three heels, four faces.  Sounds like a blast.
• Of course, Nexus will now attempt to destroy The Miz, and probably will before this segment is over.
• This isn’t sing along with the Miz!
• Miz quits Team WWE in 3, 2, 1 …
• Nah, looks like he’ll stay on, until he’s jumped by Nexus.  It’s coming, just wait.
• Striker offering Cole offering Cole water after he nearly jumped out of his skin was the funniest thing I’ve seen tonight.

Nice video package on Orton vs Sheamus 2.  The build for this, while overshadowed by the Nexus program, was much better than the quick build to their first match in January.

Of course, that was overshadowed by Edge’s return and Bret Hart.

WWE Championship: Sheamus vs Randy Orton (via DQ)

• Doubled over for the Sheamus as Beaker sign.
• I have to say I see Sheamus going over.  They might find some screwy way for Orton to get another match next month.  Maybe a three way involving new WWE Champion The Miz?
• Orton’s tan actually looks natural tonight.  It’s nice to see him not looking like a member of the Jersey Shore cast.
• I love when they do the in-ring intros.  It lets everyone know that this is the important one.
• So the OchoCinco guy was on the other TV.  Does anyone else think that a guy who changes his name to OchoCinco has a future in wrestling?
• Orton just stomped a mudhole into Sheamus.
• He’s now whipping him like a government mule.
• Ladies, are we in agreement that Orton would look better with his hair? Right now he looks like a tan Olympic swimmer.
• Some fan in the first row just got Orton’s sweat on them.
• I don’t expect anyone to run like a scalded dog, and I think we can rule out anyone bleeding like a stuck pig.  No animal hat trick tonight.
• Orton has been in control too long.  Sheamus needs to take over soon.
• Pretty sure Orton’s outside strategy is a poor one.  He does need to win this one in the ring.
• And Sheamus comes back.  About time.
• Is that the same arm that Orton was selling a couple months ago?  The one he shoot injured at Over the Limit?
• Jiminy.  I thought Orton was going into the second row after that toss.
• Why are they spending so much time outside the ring? Sheamus isn’t this limited, neither is Orton.  It’s not like Kane vs Rey is going to be a clinic either, and I expect the elimination match to be super screwy.
• Lawler doesn’t appear to be watching his monitor.  I gather he hasn’t seen a brawl like this in a while.
• It’s a bit early for Orton’s babyface comeback.  His series is too short for the length I expect for this match.
• Orton is still selling the biceps.  Can’t hear if they’ve mentioned the previous injury.
• Okay, now the comeback can begin.  Fist to mat any second now.
• Huge superplex.  Good to mix in that spot.
• Hmm, Orton still hasn’t flipped out, nor has he hit the over the rope DDT.  This one might be longer than I expect.
• Not that that’s a bad thing.  This has been pretty solid.  Lots of great back and forth without any screwiness.
• Sheamus is going to have an uncomfortable week of traveling.  His legs hit funny after the brogue kick miss.
• And there’s the DDT and the flip out.  But the RKO was countered? Great touch.  We don’t see that often enough.
• They had me after the Brogue kick.  This has been one of the better finishing series we’ve seen.  Then again, this is one of the better PPV matches of the year.  Key factor: No Cena, Batista or Rey.
• Ugh.  Didn’t expect the DQ.  I guess they have to extend this feud somehow.  I would watch this again.
• Sheamus isn’t be down enough for Miz to come after him.
• A low blow in lieu of the RKO? That’s different.
• This has just become the best feud in the company.  Of course, if Orton leaves Sheamus laying, Miz will be all over it.
• Ugh, the table didn’t break.  Sheamus took that RKO funny.
• I guess Cole and Striker disconnected.  Ah, there’s Striker.  Just in time for the replay.
• I’m about 50/50 on The Miz right now.
• I guess the appearance of this crappy Cena movie trailer rules out The Miz all together.

Another solid video package.  A little too much red tint, but it captures the great build in a nice nutshell.

World Heavyweight Championship Casket Match: Rey Mysterio vs Kane

• Rey looks like an orange stormtrooper.
• This entrance is too long.
• Ah, they had to set up the casket.   Understandable delay.
• Has Kane done a casket match before? I’m thinking there may have been one with Taker, but my memory is hazy.
• I think the Chim does a much better in-ring, big fight intro than Justin Roberts does, but that’s entirely subjective.  I’m sure someone likes Roberts better.
• Um, why was Charles Robinson about to count a pinfall? Is he confused about the rules of a casket match?
• Why does Rey’s offense always come in really short bursts?  Is it the David and Goliath thing? It just seems like he never has sustained offense.
• I guess if Rey can’t walk, he can’t get out of a casket.  Or he could just submit, as this is the strangest casket match ever.
• I thought Kane was going to decapitate Rey with that lariat.
• Really tired of seeing Rey thrown under the bottom rope.  Throw him over the top rope into the crowd, or at least the barricade.  Is he that fragile?
• I gather if Kane hit that backbreaker squarely he’d have killed Rey.
• Of course, that sidewalk slam looked devastating as well.
• Uh, Kane, that’s how Sid Vicious busted his leg up.  Be careful up there.
• Nice reversal of that Tombstone into the DDT.
• Dang.  They had me with Rey in the casket.
• I hate the 619.
• So close.  Sick kick afterward.
• And Kane wins with a chokeslam, of all things.  Time for Rey to go in the box, and time for Undertaker to show up.
• Nice flurry of chokeslams post-match.  And there’s the Tombstone.  Figured this was a big enough occasion to see one.
• Had a feeling Taker was going to be in the casket.  Took me two tries to be right.
• Nice to see Rey begging for his life.
• I totally called this program back in July.  And I’m damn glad to see it, not just to be right.
• I really hope this goes all the way to Hell in a Cell.  I love Taker vs Kane feuds.

So will the new Smackdown on SyFy set be a strip club?

Is there any footage of the Tiffany and Drew McIntyre fight?

Matt Hardy and Leyla know how to read?

It’s been nearly 13 years since Bret was in a PPV main event.

This is a really long video package.  Guess there’s a lot of story to tell.

7-on-7 Elimination Match: The Nexus (Wade Barret, Heath Slater, Michael Tarver, Darren Young, Skip Sheffield, David Otunga, Justin Gabriel) vs Team WWE (John Cena, Bret “Hitman” Hart, Edge, Chris Jericho, John Morrison, R-Truth and The Miz Daniel Bryan)

• So, Cena’s gone from orange to purple?
• All seven Team WWE members are getting separate entrances?
• Thankfully, we don’t have to hear the full version of “What’s Up?”
• Even as a heel, Jericho is super over.  Even more so than Edge.
• Miz is pretty over, but I think his catchphrase is more over than he is.  That’ll change.
• Morrison needs to shave if he’s going to remain a babyface.
• Wait, is Miz being bumped? I guess here comes Triple H.
• Wait, WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?
• My wife just lifted my jaw.  Brian Danielson is main eventing SummerSlam? Didn’t he just work EVOLVE?
• What’s up with Darren Young’s hair?
• And Daniel Bryan as a submission victory on PPV.  I feel like I’m in Bizarro World.
• Bets on Truth being the first elimination for Team WWE?
• Additional bets on Bryan turning on Team WWE?
• I guess this is where the Nexus program ends.
• Nobody on Team WWE is as big as Sheffield.  That was a bad move on their part.
• Sheffield looks great.  Much better than anything he did on NXT.
• Hmm, Morrison went down first.  Guess Truth is next?
• That was one sick Lariat.
• And just like that, Truth is gone as well and we’re even up.
• Nexus is finally making tags.  Speeds up the match a lot with fast tags.
• With the way the announcers are talking, you’d think Ted Turner and Eric Bischoff are behind Nexus.
• This is the most physical Bret has been yet.  Looks great.
• So, did Slater tap? Guess not.
• Good way to get rid of Bret without him getting hurt.
• I feel a Spear coming up.
• Beautiful Spear as well.
• Gabriel may be the most athletic of all the Nexus.  That spinning heel kick on Edge was beautiful.
• Slater’s trunks are too sparkly.
• I think I’d want to see Edge and Barrett in a true one-on-one match.  They look like they’d be a good matchup.
• Huge Lionsault.  And an even bigger submission.
• Really getting into this one.  I thought it would be miserable.
• Looking good for that Bryan heel turn.
• That’s a big notch for Slater.  Not many have gotten to pin Jericho on PPV.
• Make that Jericho and Edge.  Who did he fellate to get that spot?
• Will Super Cena be the last man standing?
• Are we going to see a 450 tonight?
• Will we find out tonight that Michael Cole is behind Nexus?
• Huge suicide dive.  Bryan looks fantastic against Slater.
• Two submission dukes for Bryan on PPV.
• Didn’t expect to see Miz again.  Foolish me.
• I guess it’s Super Cena time.  Perhaps Triple H appears to save the day?
• Or will Trips align himself with Nexus?
• I will say that that was a massive mea culpa to Danielson.  Bring him back on PPV and give him two submission wins.  That’s classy.
• They’re gonna Vaderize Cena.  Or something like that.
• Sickening thud on that DDT.
• No pin right off, so it’s time for some screwiness.
• What time is it? 450.
• Crazy stuff.  That was screwy, but the crowd loved it.
• Barret’s facial in the STF is fantastic.
• All Super Cena, all the time.
• Only mildly surprised by that finish.  Thought there would be more interference.  I gather that was technically showing restraint, even if it did put Cena over as a superhuman with no weaknesses.

Fantastic show, top to bottom.  Really enjoyed it.  Fun booking, only one finish I could have done without (Sheamus should have gone over clean) and great work all around.  Plus, I got to see one of my favorite works thrust back onto a national stage.

I also really liked my iPhone rig.  This is the fasted turnaround I’ve had yet.  All to better serve you folks :)

Tommy Dreamer and the Philadelphia Five promo/Brother Ray confrontation/Hogan gloms onto something else he has nothing to do with/Abyss kills it all again.

• EV 2.0? Sounds like an olive oil brand.
• Wait a minute.  TNA has old guys talking about stuff that happened 15 years ago that nobody cares about any more. Nothing has changed since January.
• Are Rhyno and Raven going to get to talk ever?
• So, they’re already in hot water for saying ECW.  Why exacerbate things by calling Ray “Bubba?”
• This will be a reverse of the original Dudley feud, assuming they hook up.
• EV 2.0 does not work as a chant.
• If we’re going to light someone on fire, can it be Hogan?
• I’d pay good money to see Tommy and Raven shoot all over Hogan next Sunday.
• Notice how quickly Hogan changed the subject?
• Dammit, doesn’t Abyss need any time off?
• So, are “they” tangible, or is this more of Abyss being crazypants?
• ♫ He’s our guest, he’s our guest, Abyss is a worse worker than Test. ♫

The Beautiful People bicker

• That is the worst set ever.  It looks like something out of a bad PSA.
• There are strip clubs in Orlando with less body glitter.

Number One Contender: Sarita vs Angelina Love

• This match better be as light on action as I expect it to.  I have roasted pine nut hummus and pita chips, and I’d rather pay attention to them than these two poor workers.
• I think I’d like Sarita to go over.  Shake up the division a bit.
• Oh well.  Match was terrible.  My hopes for a better Knockouts match is dashed.  At least the hummus was good.

When did OJ start hanging out with EY? EYOJ? OJEY? He hehe: Oh, hey! I win.

At least OJ wasn’t making a mockery of bisexuality again.

This is why TNA’s taping schedule sucks: Internationally, fans knew about the EY bump that started his new program.  Because TNA tapes a boatload of episodes at once, they basically ignore EY for weeks and then throw him out there, doing the new gimmick, with no rhyme or reason.  Then a half-assed explanation is tossed off.

I get that you folks want to save money, but thriftiness at the expense of good storytelling is not the way to go.

Ink Inc. vs Orlando Jordan and Eric Young

• Poor Val.  She really deserves better.
• The mannequin is the second coming of Moppy.  Which was the second coming of Pepe.
• If they let someone count a pin on the mannequin, I’m shutting this off.
• That wasn’t remotely amusing.  Santino and Vlad are comedy wrestling.  This is just dreck.

Ric Flair and Fourtune promo/Kurt Angle interrupts

• This is just painful.
• When does Desmond Wolfe show up pissed?
• Beer Money needs suits.  They look silly in tights and tees next to Flair, Kaz and AJ.
• When you take potshots at the competition, you come off as petty.
• So will the make a new belt that doesn’t say “Global” on it?
• Will the TV title have time limits?
• Why not say which hotel Ric? Embarrassed to be at the Red Roof Inn?
• I’m starting to get into Kurt’s Quest.  Much better than him kissing military ass.

Best of Five Series

Beer Money leads 2-0

Tag Team Championships are on the line

Steel Cage Match: Beer Money vs The Motor City Machine Guns

• Why does TNA have such an ugly cage?
• That’s a little quick for a blade job in a cage.  Ruins the mystique.
• Roode is bleeding a gusher.  Ugh.
• Chris Sabin looks great and the ring, and quite handsome clean shaven.  Just saying.
• Is the Sliced Bread Number 2 attempt where Shelley got hurt?
• I guess Shelley did pay attention when he was in Ring of Honor.  That was a lovely double stomp.
• Damn.  They had me after that powerbomb/lungblower combo.  Thought it was over.
• Huge cross body.  That was Sabin saying “Take our program off PPV, we’ll show up every match on it in one fell swoop.”
• That was fantastic.  A great match that didn’t have a shit finish.  The bad memories from the first two matches is erased.  Kudos to these two teams.  Glad we’ll be seeing more matches in this series.

Matt Morgan promo as Ken Anderson/Ken Anderson interrupts/Jeff Hardy makes the save

• Cute bit.
• This is a comedy or errors.  I love it.
• I’m a bit sad that Anderson and Morgan have fallen down the card, but I’m quite behind this feud.  Gives the WWE castoffs a chance to show what could have been.
• So which streets are meaner: Fairfield’s or Greenwich’s?
• Hartford has some really mean streets.
• Anderson wins at catching mics.  I win at Connecticut jokes.
• Amusing anecdote: Matt Morgan was heavily supported by Jim Cornette.  Ken Anderson’s biggest cheerleader was Paul Heyman.  Jim and Paul dislike each other personally and, to a lesser extent, professionally.
• Well, I think it’s amusing.  Not as much amused by nut shots and cable chokes.
• So, where was security when Morgan was strangling Anderson? I swear, the heels have the security guys on their payroll.
• Or they’re in business for themselves.  Either way, they suck.
• Damn, D-Lo got fat.

Jeff Anderson and Jeff Hardy interview

• Ken, the “Asshole” shirt would be better if it were set in Helvetica.

Kazarian with AJ Styles vs The Freak Rob Terry

• Swansea is not as cool as Cardiff.  So sayeth the Torchwood geek.
• When did Terry start selling?
• Never mind.  He wasn’t selling.  It was more of a wince before he killed Kaz.

Handicap Match: Matt Morgan, Murphy and Gunnar vs Jeff Hardy and Ken Anderson

• Nothing special.  Just furthers Anderson and Morgan.

We’re really going to freak out about a TV special with your crappy Hard Justice card, Hogan?

Eric Bischoff and Miss Tessmacher announcement/Abyss interrupts/Rob Van Dam makes the save

• Eric’s hair is long again.  When does the brown Ken doll hair come back?
• You don’t give us PPV quality action on PPV.  I’m supposed to believe you’ll do so on Impact?
• Well, that cage match was PPV quality.
• A blueprint? Is Abyss an architect now?
• Nobody is taking a bump from that mace on basic cable.  I can promise you that.
• Honestly, if I were RVD, I’d have let Abyss maim Bischoff.
• Yeah, Abyss is afraid of Pat Kenny and D-Lo with chairs.  Sure.

Hardcore match with no DQ and legal weapons: Tommy Dreamer vs Abyss

• Isn’t this technically just a Monster’s Ball match?
• By the way, kids, no matter what WWE and TNA try to tell you, ECW wasn’t all trash matches.  Hardcore is really about good wrestling, not chair shots and table bumps.  I promise you that.
• For all the hype, this has been terrible.  A retired guy who’s limited to being with vs the worst worker on the roster.  Fantastic main event guys, really.
• Boo.  Wanted the Spicolli Driver on the barbed wire.  I’ve a feeling we will see the Black Hole Slam on it though.
• Chokeslam.  I was close.
• See.  Nobody’s bumping off that mace on basic cable.
• Damn, Raven is horribly balding.  Good to see the revival of Dreamer vs Raven.
• Too bad Raven only has one episode of Impact to recruit followers for The Nest.  Might be a good role for Eric Young.

Still not excited for Hardcore Justice.  I’d like to see a card and potentially some interesting gimmicks.  Dreamer vs Raven isn’t enough to make me spend $40.

Is it wrong that I wanted Cena to turn heel so all the little kids would cry?

Still not too keen on a team of heels and babyfaces.

John Cena promo/Jericho interrupts

• I’m pretty sure we sat near all those Cena marks when Mrs. Atomic and I went to Tables, Ladders and Chairs in that building.
• Actually, Cena, there was warning.  Barrett basically told us that he was going to do something.  Were you not watching the monitor?
• Is a promo really necessary here? We kind of got the point last week.
• I was with him when he said he was Aquaman (hence all the orange), but then that bit went entirely awry.
• Jericho always has a fantastic suit.
• Digging the “Downfall is Jericho” sign.  Been loving that show this summer.
• Remember kids, I live in Austin.  Not in San Antonio with all these bottom feeders.
• I wonder if they’re building to September’s feud.
• I swear I just heard Cena’s voice crack.
• Jericho appears to be speaking for the smart fans.
• Are the fans booing the GM or Michael Cole?
• Okay, I like elimination matches.

Randy Orton vs Jay Uso with Jimmy Uso and Tamina

• Poor Sheamus.  He gets a sunburn every time he comes to Texas.
• Will the Usos please shut the lights off when they’re done?
• Did Jimmy steal that getup from The Mean Street Posse?
• Oh, hello MIz.  I guess we should get used to this.
• I have to agree with Michael Cole.  Orton has finally hit his stride.  This is the best I’ve seen from him since the summer prior to his babyface turn in 2004.

Edge butters up Ted DiBiase and Maryse

• Forgive me for spending this promo gawking at Maryse.
• I’d want Khali around.  He’s actually good for getting multiple Nexus guys eliminated.

Sheamus and Miz are interrupted by the GM

• Okay, this might be decent.

Woohoo! The MegaPowers!

Oh, that’s right.  Can’t show Hogan or Savage.  Fucking Honky.

Edge and Khali backstage

• Is there really a Hindi word for “nincompoop?”

The Great Khali with Runjin Singh vs Edge (I guess this was a no-contest.)

• It’s a little painful to have Cole alone on commentary.
• Hello Nexus.  Thanks for making this match more bearable.

Elimination Match: The Nexus vs Jerry Lawler, Yoshi Tatsu, Evan Bourne, Mark Henry, Goldust and The Hart Dynasty

• It’s the Raw Midcard and color man.  Nexus must be quaking in their boots.
• I now want to see Bourne vs Gabriel one on one.
• That flying fistdrop was the only time Cole has said “vintage” and been right.
• However, Michael Cole is still unable to do math.
• I’m mildly amused that half these guys couldn’t beat each other and now they’re plowing through Raw.
• Down to the two smallest male members of the main roster.  Amusing booking as well.
• Can I watch a show with just Nexus? Oh, wait, I did.  And they weren’t nearly this interesting.
• Otunga is a bit sloppy with his Spinebuster.

Nexus promo

• Damn, these guys haven’t learned to talk yet, have they? Ugh, poor segment.

Miz and Sheamus backstage

• Do they need to dent that Halliburton any further?

Brie Bella with Nicki Bella vs Alicia Fox

• So what’s the line on the switcheroo bit happening again?
• Switcheroo interruptus?
• If heels keep beating up Jillian, will she quit singing and turn face?

Ted DiBiase with Maryse vs John Morrison

• King has women like Maryse on his arm all the time.  Well, at least in terms of age.
• Lawler has switched to Diet Coke? Did he drop the Twinkies as well?
• Very little interest in this feud.  I like both these guys, but they’ve done nothing to make me care.
• Morrision has a beard coming in.  Mixed with this loss and falling out with Truth, I smell a heel turn coming.  Huzzah!

I want a Slurpee.  That is all.

Randy Orton interview

• That was Orton’s audition reel for The Jersey Shore.

The Miz and Sheamus vs Chris Jericho and John Cena

• This match is just a party of weird haircuts.
• Cameraman under Jericho choking Sheamus deserves an award.  That was a fantastic shot.
• Can Miz cash in the contract during a match? If so, that’s what I’d do.
• Jericho’s springboard dropkick looked great.
• Hmm, is Eugene the GM? Does anyone remember Eugene?
• It appears Cena doesn’t know the tag rules.  That rope is there for a reason.
• Great logic there for Jericho.  Why would he want Cena to win? Additionally, huge
• Well, looks like someone in creative realized that we couldn’t heels and faces playing nice together.